TGIF

Seriously, guys. Thank God. This week has been hell. We got a new class and they are so little and they cry. all. the time. It has been emotionally, physically and mentally exhausting. On top of that, I've done a lot of work on my house this week, from doing dishes and cutting the lawn, to squeegeeing my carpet to get the dog hair out. I feel like I do all of it for myself because I don't think anyone else cares. I really need to stop seeking accolades for the things I do. But is it too hard to tell me how fabulous I am? I'm just feeling drained. I need a break. I need something to work out in my favor. I need a change of scenery. I've looked at Searcy for too long and it's become mundane. My restless soul seeks adventure. Last night, I dreamt of a crazy adventure that was both terrifying and exhilarating. I miss so many people and they are in so many different places that my heart simply cannot ever be whole again. It is scattered among the four winds, in several different states and with different wonderful friends and family. The biggest piece will always belong to the East Coast. I so miss hearing, smelling and feeling the ocean. I miss the feeling of cool sand beneath my feet as the sun sets over the ocean. I miss the smell of salt water mixing with sunscreen, sand and all of the food on the boardwalk. I miss the sound of the waves crashing against the shore, laughter, barking dogs, and screaming children. I miss feeling the sun beating down on me and bringing out my freckles. I miss the exhaustion afterward, but knowing that it is the result of a great day spent with family and friends. There is no other experience like it. I also miss my family. It has been two years since I've seen them. In this day and age, when travel is easier than ever, it is impossible for me to get to them because I have no money. Ironic, right? And my friends. God, so many friends in so many states, how do I possibly get to all of them? Utah, Florida, Virginia, Vermont, Illinois, Massachusetts, Texas. I'll never make it to all of those states to see everyone. Blah. Maybe it's time to take a nap since nobody is texting me back. Yeah. Let's do that.

What a day.

Today was a mixed bag. Work was stressful and somewhat disheartening. I miss my kids and I want them back, regardless of how irritating they were. They were sweet and they loved me and that feeling was mutual. These new babies are too needy and unappreciative, which sounds ridiculous because they're not even a year old yet, but I just can't handle another day like today. Well...I can, I just don't want to. So, there's that. That being said, being at home was restful and relaxing. The carpet is coming along and looking fabulous. I'm really glad this idea worked because my carpet was looking awful. And yes, while I could vacuum more often, I do not think that is the only answer. That dog sheds like a beast and I can't keep up with it by simply vacuuming. Anyway. I have so much to do. It's really tempting to take a day off to do it all but I don't want to leave Lacie like that. I think she'd kill me, to be honest. The kids are so awful right now. I'd like to think that it's going to get better as time goes on, but I'm really not sure it's going to. I already don't like these kids. Like...really don't like them. I am dreading work tomorrow, which has never happened at this job. I hate this feeling because it means I'm not enjoying it anymore. God help me. Help me to love these kids the same way I loved my previous class. Help me to nurture and care for them the same way I nurtured & cared for my kiddos before. I truly cannot do this alone and I really could use some divine intervention. If we could start by tomorrow going better, that would be really nice. I should really get some sleep.